Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
