She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
