i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
