Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
