you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
