we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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