i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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