Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
