Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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