I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
