I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
