I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
