worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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