I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
