i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
