Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
