I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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