Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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