My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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