I am puke
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
