And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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