you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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