hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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