you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
