so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
