i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
