Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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