My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
