Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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