goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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