I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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