fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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