thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
