I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
