I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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