Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
