Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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