Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
