Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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