great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I could make wine with my vomit
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
