time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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