i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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