Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
