Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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