So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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