This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
