Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
