Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize