Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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