whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My feet surprised me
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