I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
