mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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