i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
