I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
