You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
