i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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