I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
