She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
