Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
